Get Over

Posted: April 6, 2011 in Creative Writing

Love songs play over and over on the radio. You get familiar with some of the music and lyrics over time, as you would with Hi’s and Hello’s. They pass without concern. Your girlfriend kicks you to the curb, all of a sudden Barry Manilow’s “Somewhere Down The Road” speaks to you. Before you know it, your hopelessly holding on to a bottle of beer, staring blankly into nothingness with Lionel Richie’s “Baby Come Back” nagging on the background.

Get a hold of yourself or you could end up a creature of Tim Burton, very sad and very creepy. No one will want to do you then. Pick yourself up and dust yourself off. The world is full of unexplored corners, look around you, happiness is always waiting to be found. In the mean time check out this compilation of suggestions on how to get over a failed romance.

Friends- It looks a lot saner when you get shitfaced with company rather than by your lonesome. Play down the mellow-drama, your pals will play sympathetic for a night, but don’t think they will spare you once the dust settles. Roll with the jokes, don’t be in one.

Rebound- Ever used a crazy pick up line to score a chick in a bar? If you haven’t then maybe it’s better that way. If you want an instant bedside companion, or a looker to show-off in your ex’s favorite hangout then play it smart. By my experience when it comes to picking up women in a bar, words need not be spoken. All you need is charm and gestures. First, you bite your lower lip, give your most debonair smile then wink. If you don’t get a positive response and she raises an eyebrow at you, you can always pretend you were blinking because you have something in your eye. If that makes her laugh (co’z she will most likely think your retarded) go for the kill! Ask the waiter to send her table a round of drinks plus pulutan. chicks dig pulutan. Attach a napkin with a note asking for her contact details. Now that her group is having a swell time at your expense, she is obligated to at-least give you a fake name and number. But don’t fret! your pals don’t know that. You still get bragging rights and on the Donny Osmond side, it’s a learning experience. Try this a couple more times and you will learn the most valuable lesson of all, with all the money you are wasting you might as well pick up a hooker.

Useful bit: Don’t take any of this seriously.

Gentleman’s Club- This will validate your ex’s decision to ditch you. If she hears about it, she will definitely regard you with utmost disgust. Make little-miss-prissy-pants cringe! deep down she’ll feel as though she were placed in common ground with less dignified honeys. Ho-Ho, you’ve just managed to put one over her. Congratulate yourself asshole.

If your curious about syphilis, chlamydia and gonorrhea, skip the show and save your budget. come approximately when the establishment is about to close. Tip the floor manager P100 to line up her wards available for “outing.” Remember the prettiest one  usually has had the most customers.

Useful bit: Personally this is not advisable until the double-layered condom is invented.

Comfort Foods- Allow yourself a little pleasure without having to masturbate. You can hang that healthy diet plan for a week, a broken heart is license to indulge in delectable delights. I doubt that if for a limited run, it will backlash in epic proportions.  According to Dr. Chalabi Aziz Ul-Haq an alchemist at the Institue of Advanced Medical Research in Ashgabat, Comfort foods boost mental health and are good for heart and emotions, and have been proven to counteract loneliness.

Useful bit: Try Mauna Loa’s. If you still cant forget the ex, you will forget about diabetes.

Casino- Grab a hammer and take a swing at your piggy bank. Go for broke! let loose on the slots then drown yourself in the euphoric excitement around a Craps table. There are so many places where you can bleed in a casino. Who knows, you might end the night worth twice the man you were or just some douche bag who lost his grandfathers watch. Brush up on your card reading abilities, it may come in handy when your finally betting your cab fare.

Useful bit: when your crunching numbers in your head, don’t look up and do shut your lips tight.

Downelink.com– The webs best kept secret. Take a break from the politeness of facebook and troll hot lesbians in this online gay community. you’d be surprised at the audacity of its members. what makes it so enticing is that these are beautiful day-to-day women in painfully revealing or almost naked pics. The third sex had always been (and caters for) the ultra liberal. You wont find many shy lasses here. Just be careful where you click or you might catch a glimpse of Fred & Barney pecking between the sheets.

Useful bit: To get around privacy controls, you can create an account posing as a group of DL’s finest or whatever you can think of that is irresistible to their vanities. This is one of those exceptions when to “just be yourself” is not the way to go.

Take A Trip- Go someplace far and away, to a place your language skills are inconsequential. Typically somewhere that if something goes wrong, there is no one to claim you. I don’t plan many travels, as a matter of fact, i don’t believe I’ve ever planned one at all. But I do get exiled a lot.  A lot. Angry fathers make bad travel agents. Presently, I’ve been marooned in Mugat, Mindanao. It’s been fun, I take on the role (and exact circumstances) of a castaway in survivor. I’ll be sure to show the bastard my appreciation when I get out. Much like Marco Polo I’ve had prolonged stays in unfamiliar territories. Gradually I learn to walk talk and squawk according to culture. The best way to explore a locality is to take a walk around. Get close enough  to touch the way of life. Meet the vendors, shopkeepers, bystanders, snatchers and pickpockets. After tiring yourself sauntering aimlessly, find a place that serves exotic delicacies. Don’t be squeamish to try out new things. If the menu reads Locust, Slug or Gecko, then that’s your meal. Take a picture and post it on Facebook. I have no idea why people like to display their food on Facebook. Who’d be interested to know if your eating a plate of spaghetti? unless there was something crawling out of it.

Useful bit: Don’t get exiled.

Amnesia- A very imaginative concept was broached in Michel Gondry’s “Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind”. In the story Jim Carrey’s Character, Joel  undergoes a procedure to have memories erased, particularly those of his former lover Clementine (Kate Winslet).  Unfortunately there is no such contraption in real life that can do that, other than a concrete wall. The next best thing is suppressed memories. yes you can do that. block it out of your mind and eventually you’ll get the amnesia effect. It helps to zap yourself with something like a Taser everytime you remember your ex. But seriously when you stop thinking of something, it stops bothering you. You do have control over that.

Useful bit: Since your break-up, she’s been skewered by seven pigs.

That’s basically it. I hope some of this can be helpful. Good luck and take a step forward. (I hate typing, so I’ll end it here.)

There are times when I miss her, I want to hold her tight, give her a kiss and love her in my arms and in my eyes, then my strength falters when I remember you are no longer mine.

Comments
  1. Julian Javier the Cyber Mushroom says:

    hahahaha! this a good one! fantastic mr.zunberzt! hahaha! i loved the style! made me LOL and LMAO and even ROFL! hahaha! keep it up!

  2. belladonna23 says:

    I may be a woman (but, hey, i was raised by guys so that may say something more) and i found this HILARIOUS. Especially that part about the strip clubs.😉

  3. FatBoi says:

    does is mean anything to u that those comments were made in april? aha nice tho i liked this one made me laugh but i do remember u telling me this one, my dad even got a laugh out of it ^^

    • zunberzt says:

      haha and guess what m talking to mam april now mam mary is egging me on, but m still shy, cant seem to find the confidence i used to posess before… and dont share this link to them coz they might think im a creep. haha

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